I am being a bad daughter….. again. I have been putting off calling my mother back. I am just so fed up with things that she’s doing. Even though I haven’t talked to her, I received some verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry lengthy emails form her – telling all about her time at “The Call”, and then her latest trip to help with Katrina – which she writes more about praying than anything else.
I want so bad when I do talk to her, to NOT let her bother me. I want to be supportive to her… and give her credit for following her heart. But, it’s so hard when I feel her thrusting all this crap at me. But still… why do I let her get to me? I should be use to it by now. I mean, I know what she’s going to be talking about, and that there’s no sense in trying to tell her how I feel about any of it. I tell myself I won’t let her get to me. She’s sick. I feel sorry for her… but, yet – every time we talk – especially when she’s on a roll with her latest “adventures” – I wind up feeling drained, and annoyed, and aggrivated by the end ot it. And, yes… somehow guilty as well….
You should have heard her go on and on in her email, though. I was curious, and skeptical of some of the things she was saying – so I stupidly went to Youtube to get a peek for myself. I found many many short clips there… mostly of people praying, singing, jumping, speaking in tongues, and shouting. Most of it didn’t surprise me. Some of it brought back not so good memories and I was glad I am not still in that scene.
Still….. most of the people looked happy…. really happy. There was one clip that almost made me wish I still believed… This one:
Don’t they look happy? All 500 million of them (man there’s a lot, isn’t there?) The part where they all were singing “hallelujah” hit me. I remember that song well… and I actually really liked singing… and remember feeling moved many time during that song. It is a pretty song. Just being in a group… where everyone is swaying and raising their hands and really wanting to feel that love is a powerful thing. I think now, looking back, that much of my faith and feelings were just wanting to belong… basking in the community and “good” vibes. Then again, I remember getting almost the same really cool feeling when I went to see “The Who”. I think, longing to be a part of something is a huge part of all that…
There were many more clips regarding “The Call” that made me think I made the right move by getting out… and raised seriosus doubts in my mind about the whole deal, and especially Lou Engle – the “prohetic” leader. Here’s a much longer clip than you’ll want to watch:
Lou Engle was also very involved in that whole “jesus camp” thing – which I personally found very, very disturbing. Sadly, I could relate. My childhood experiences weren’t far off from a lot of what they are showing. (see this post of mine for an example)
Maybe not quite as big of a group… but, same thing on a smaller level. Here’s a clip from that too:
I especially didn’t know wether to laugh or cry at this lady going off about Harry Potter being evil:
My oldest son loves Harry Potter. So do I. I know damn well that if my mother had her say – she would agree with the above clip. She hated halloween and totally had me freaked out about evil spirits when I was a kid. Almost everything was off limits or “evil”. I have vivid memories from teen group leaders telling me how evil rock music was… how just the beat was satanic… making young people want to move in sexual ways. We talked in length about Led Zepplin’s “Stairway to Heaven” song, and don’t even get me started on the KISS albums! LOL (Kids in Satan’s Sanctuary! Look out!). I imagine the kids now days get a real earful over Marilyn Manson LOL
I get a kick out of all the “christian rock” music now. I gues, that beat is okay this way.. as long as they are not dancing for “the flesh” and only for God. My how things keep changing. LOL
Can anyone seriously blame me for putting off talking to my mother. Ok Ok. I’ll call her tommorrow. I promise…