My mom’s been saying “the Lord will provide” forever, but especially ever since she up and sold our house… and decided to become a missionary. She had the house, all paid for, in the divorce settlement between her and Dad years ago. The house we all grew up in… and, he gave her without a fight. She promptly decided to sell it and everything in it… because God told her to.
My brother’s and I asked her several times, what would happen if the missionary thing didn’t work out? Where will she stay when she comes home? “The Lord will provide” she’d said.
In a way, I give her credit. Whether or not she heard the Lord’s advice – it took guts for her to do that. And, I think it was a life long dream. And, she did it. She up and moved to China. Who would have thunk it??
I know she was just running away from a bad situation. She felt like her whole life here had crumbled apart. Her marriage had finally fell apart, along with her belief that someday God would turn her atheist husband into a Christian husband for her. In addition, she had finally crossed the line with her “stories”, and her own children and family (along with doctors and police) had all told her that basically, she was crazy, and needed to get “help”. So, it was either admit she needed help… or turn into a missionary. Hmmmmm…??? China, here she comes!
Still, took guts… and a passport… and all kind so other stuff. And, she did it. Off she went. She spent a few years in China… only returning for a week or two here and there. She lost touch with all her grandchildren – but, became a little hero with her church friends. I emailed her regularly and handled her finances here. I think, we actually get along better via email.
She made me upset when she insisted on flying home immediately when my father passed away. She hated him all my life. She accused him of terrible things. She acted like he was the devil himself. I did not want her at his funeral. Nobody did. I was shocked when she said she’d take the first flight home. I tried to tell her nicely, and then not so nicely, that she shouldn’t come. She didn’t listen. She said, she wanted to be there “for me”. But, I think she wanted to be there because she knew we didn’t want her there. Whenever she feels “rejected”, she is even more pushy.
In the year before my dad died, I had mentioned to her via email that he was dying. I didn’t go into it much, because they didn’t get along – but, thought she should at least know what was happening… what *I* was dealing with, if nothing else. She told me in one email that she didn’t believe it… he was faking. I told her that I was the one taking care of him, dealing with all the doctors and hospice care, that I KNEW he wasn’t “faking”. She then responded that “if she was God, he would have been dead a long time ago”. ?? LoLetinf! Very Christian of her, don’t cha think? But, then, when he actually passed away – she couldn’t understand why I didn’t want her to be there.
Truth be told, I never really turned to my Mom for comfort much. She always annoyed me. I remember when I was a kid and sick with the flu or anything, and I’d be getting sick in the bathroom… she would come in… and put her hand on my back… and pray in tongues for me as I was getting sick. It always made me feel sicker. I was always trying to nicely shrug her off of me. I didn’t want her there. This was how I felt when Dad died… ten fold…
But, she came. And I did my best to be polite, but unavailable to her for the most part, as I had told her upfront I would be.
A few weeks after that, she came home for a few months… stayed between my brother’s house, my house, and a friend of hers. I felt like I had to let her stay with us too…. but, it wasn’t easy. She takes over when she’s around. Expects to be waited on… take over the TV and sofa… and, thinks someone should give her full access to their vehicle.
Shortly after that she got out of the missionary group in China – and moved back to the area for good. She hinted at staying with us. Luckily, my oldest brother told her she could stay with him… but,he lives out about 1.5 hrs away, and she didn’t want to be that far from her church, etc. So, she opted to get her own apartment. Fine. She got one RIGHT around the corner from where I grew up.. and where I live now. Fine. We helped her move in… helped her with everything. She said, it was too expensive.. .she wouldn’t be able to stay there long… but, “God will provide”.
Now, she has hit the point where her lease is up – she says she can’t afford it there anymore.. .and she needs to find a less expensive place. Again, “God will provide”… but, every time she says it, I get the feeling she thinks God has the same last name as my husband and I! She started off hinting around BIG time that she wants to live with me… and now is just basically asking by saying we could “go in on” a bigger house together. ?!?!? Is she nuts??? (duh! stupid question, I know.)
Doesn’t she remember how it was when she lived her briefly before?? Way back when, she lived with me for a few months BEFORE her and my Dad’s divorce went final – and it was Hell! I can’t help it. She drives me crazy. Even DH, who normally would tell me, “now, honey… she is your mother… be nice”… even HE was hitting his boiling point when she stayed here. He suddenly was following me out the door every time I had to leave saying, “wait! I’m coming too!” – because he didn’t want to be left there. I wound up having to write her a letter, telling her that she NEEDED to wrap things up with the divorce and leave because she was affecting every aspect of my life, my marriage, my job, in a negative way. Can’t she re-read that note?? Maybe I can find a copy… LOL.
I mean, she KNOWS I love her… she also KNOWS we do not have the closest relationship. I don’t know why she thinks this would work. No way. I think that just because my Dad lived with me for 15 years, she things she should be able to. It’s the old “rejection” thing again, and she wants her fair share” of my life. It ain’t gonna happen.
If anything, the fact that my Dad lived with us is a deterrent. It was hard enough living with him, and he and I actually were very close and got along great. My marriage barely lived thru that – and he did his best to not overstep boundaries when he was here. My marriage could not withstand my mother living with us. Thank God I still have my brother offering up his home. He has a big house… his kids are grown… and he can handle her better than I can anyway. She will have to go there.. or find a cheaper apartment.
God will provide. Ha! In other words, “I have no idea what I am going to do, and shouldn’t be responsible for myself. Everyone else take care of me now”. She should have never sold the damn house.