Well – I don’t really post much here anymore. I started the blog almost 3 years ago… and, I think I’m about done here. I just don’t feel like blogging about this stuff (religion, or my past, or my family issues) anymore… but, I’ll leave this blog up for now in case anyone else finds it interesting… or, in case I change my mind and decide I need to vent again. (which, is entirely possible knowing me =).
For now, though, I think this blog served it’s purpose, and served me well, actually. I guess, I really needed it and am glad I had it. It was therapeutic. I think it helped me sort out a lot of junk in my head that I never really completely was open or honest with anyone before about in “real life”. I think I learned a lot. Grew a lot. Like I understand more about my past and myself now. I feel more at peace now, I think, than I ever did before. More clear on how I feel and what I think. More accepting of myself and others.
I also met a lot of interesting people. For the first time really, I learned that I was not alone with most of how I felt or thought. It pretty much amazed me how many people there are out there that could actually relate to things I wrote about… experiences I thought only I had. Likewise, I was astounded to find so many out there that I could relate to also. I want to thank any of you who might happen to check back here for your thoughts and “friendship” – even if it was virtual.
Of course we (those few folks and myself) are still the exception. My “real life” and world are filled with people who have no possible way to relate or get where I’m coming from, when it comes to my religious outlooks, etc. I’m still the only agnostic/atheist and person who grew up with mental illness in the family that I know of in my own circle of family/friends. .. But, that’s okay. I think, for once in my life, I am really okay with that.
” I no longer hold any hostility towards my mother or “the church”. I think I am FINALLY over that. I know they always meant well and thought they were doing the right thing – and as you pointed out – we are all only human. I can accept that and understand that – just as I know I certainly made/make my own mistakes. Lastly, I know that my Christian friends are good people – and that they care about me – just as I do them. “
Not only that – but, I no longer feel the need to hide my feelings… or justify them… or question them. While I might not broadcast the fact that I’m agnostic with those I don’t know very well… I also don’t feel the need to hide it at all from those I do know. No apologies. They can either accept me “as is” or not. To my surprise, I don’t think anyone I really care about plans to disown me anytime soon because of our differences. While we might not agree… or understand each other.. I think my family, and my true friends can agree to disagree on things. Those that can’t? Well… I think that’s more their problem than mine.
Anyway – I’ll be around here and there… but, mostly “there”.
=) Take care people,