Deviled eggs, it is….

deviled eggsI‘m not sure how I wound up needing to make and bring deviled eggs today to a little party we are going to at our friends home, but I did.  Oh yeah..  I remember now.. I ASKED what I could bring and was basically assigned these.  I sort of tried to weasle out of it, and offered up a couple other suggestions… but, nope.. she reeeeeally wanted deviled eggs. 

Don’t get me wrong.  There’s nothing wrong with deviled eggs.  And, they are certainly easy enough to make.  Hell, I even like eating them once in a while.  I just don’t like making them, or bringing them to places. 

You see, this is typically what my mother makes and brings to all social functions.  She will bring deviled eggs, and a pickle tray (which is often a can of olives LoL).  Nothing wrong with that either.  They are one of the few things my mom can actually make really well.  As I told my son after a really bad meal at Gramma’s once (when he asked, “what was THAT that grandma made???”) – My mother (or his grandma) is a lot of things, but a good cook ain’t one of them.  🙂

So, really – it’s not about the eggs…  it’s just the old, “I don’t want to be like my mother” issue that is coming into play.  Which, if you think about it, is a really stupid reason to not want to make deviled eggs when your friend asks you to.  Which is why I didn’t tell my friend “no, I won’t make those”.  It’s silly.  I know that.  I am not like my mother, and making deviled eggs doesn’t make me like her.  So, why then am I dreading going to the kitchen and making them, and then bringing them to this party?? 

I sort of feel sorry for my mother and I…  not having the typical bond mother’s and daughter’s have. I mean, I love my mom… I know she loves me…  but, we have never had that bond and probably never will.  She was not the one I turned to for comfort or for help with problems.  Not that she doesn’t mean well…

*sigh*  So hard to explain… Even when people KNOW my background they often look at me with this chastising look that makes me feel guilty.  Worse yet, even though I obviously know my own background and reasons… I still feel guilty about this even without any chastising looks. 

My mom will often make comments how she always wanted a daughter… so she’d have someone to be friends with… do things with… and then she’ll either make a joke about how instead of that – she got me…  or sort of just look at me… wistfully… looking for a sign that I want that too.  I don’t offer up any.  We will never have that kind of relationship. 

We do have a relationship… and I feel like we are pretty close… there are some things I really admire about my mom… and I know there is love there from both sides.  I believe we are lucky to have that – as there were times I thought about removing myself completely from her life.  I’m glad I didn’t and that we have at least the relationship that we do.  But, I do know what she means.  And, I do wish we could have had, or could have now, that type of relationship… but, it’s just not going to happen.  We are in two separate worlds sometimes.. and we just don’t see eye to eye on most anything.  I wish that was different….  especially now that my Dad is gone… I really would love to have the kind of mother-daughter relationship most of my friends have.  But, I don’t see that realistically ever happening

It’s all I can do to bring myself to make deviled eggs today…   but, I will.  

~smj 

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3 Responses to “Deviled eggs, it is….”

  1. openmyheart Says:

    This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received. Hope it works for you — and me!
    You have 6 minutes

    There’s some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you’re not superstitious. This has been sent To you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization.. It has been sent around the world ten times so Far.

    Do not keep this message.

    This must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

    ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

    TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

    THREE. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

    FOUR. When you say, “I love you,” mean it.

    FIVE. When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.

    SIX.. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

    SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

    EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone’s dream. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.

    NINE. Love deeply and passionat ely. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.

    TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

    ELEVEN. Don’t judge people by their relatives.

    TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

    THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

    FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

    FIFTEEN. Say “God bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

    SIXTEEN. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson .

    SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

    EIGHTEEN. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

    NINETEEN. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

    TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

    TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

    ====
    REPLY: THanks, and I especially like # 11 😉

  2. notabarbie Says:

    Great post. I can so relate to the mom thing. Eventhough I love her, I too put off calling. I usually email–it’s easier. I get irritated by the email forwards she sends me–mostly the chrisiany ones–so sappy and corny. I remember when she told me I shouldn’t let my kids read Harry Potter. I read all six books last summer and my kids just finished #7. That woman from Jesus Camp reminds me so much of my mom…scary!

  3. samanthamj Says:

    Thanks for the feedback and visit NBarbie =)
    I’d rather keep feeding my kids Harry Potter rather than ship them off to Jesus Camp any day…. =)
    ~smj


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