I was thinking this morning….
I know what I feel… and what I think when it comes to religion… but I very rarely voice it because most people are religious and I don’t want to freak them out, make them mad, worry them, argue with them, scare them, confuse them, or insult them.
Besides, I seriously am not 100% sure I AM right.
I mean, who am *I* to say that I know it all, or have all the answers?? I don’t think anyone does. Least of all me. I frequently tell people that they should “feel free to ignore me”. =)
I do know that I don’t believe a lot of the bible lessons I was taught… and that I don’t believe in any one religion. I don’t believe that one religion is “right”, and the rest of the world is going to hell. I don’t believe going to church makes you a better person. I don’t believe anyone has the right to use religion as an excuse to judge others, let alone kill them. I know what I don’t believe.
And, yet, I would never say that I am absolutely, positively 100% RIGHT in most of my beliefs. Not only because of the above reasons… but, also because there are a lot of very intelligent and good people out there… who are very religious and DO believe things I just can’t believe. I feel very outnumbered. And, I know that all these other people can’t all be stupid – but, that doesn’t mean to me that they are necessarily right either.
But, just because I don’t agree with their belief’s doesn’t mean I don’t believe THEY are intelligent or good people. I would never tell them that they are “stupid” or “bad” for believing what they believe. I wouldn’t even tell them that I am certain that they are wrong. Maybe their not! What do I know? I certainly wouldn’t tell them they were going to hell and doomed to an eternity of fire and torment! Especially, if they are just going about their business, living their lives, and trying to be good people. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them… just that they see things differently than I do.
I don’t claim to know it all. I only know how I feel, and what makes sense (or doesn’t make sense) to me. I have tried, and still try, very hard to see their side… and when I can’t, I still respect their opinions and feelings.
So, why then.. is it so hard… for religious friends and family of mine to give me that same courtesy? What makes them so damn sure that they are so right that they have the right to judge and condemn and think there must be something wrong with anyone who doesn’t believe the same things they do???
I don’t get it.
Maybe I do.
Maybe these people aren’t 100% positive about anything either. At least not initially in their faith. But, religion tells them it’s wrong to have doubt and that you should just have faith. They have to say they are positive, even when they are not. Talk the talk… and then after a while they probably do believe it… and can walk the walk.
They also are taught to feel like it’s their DUTY to God to “spread the word”, and save as many others as they can. I know how they feel, because I once felt the same way. It’s hard to really be considerate and respectful of others beliefs (or disbelief) and do that at the same time. So, they get to climb up on that soap-box… feel sorry for anyone else who doesn’t believe what they do…. and feel better about themselves in the process.
Sometimes they are so wraped up in “being a good christian.. and a good person”, that they are pretty rude and inconsiderate in the process. I guess all is fair in love and conversion!
Sometimes, I wish I could be a believer again…
I’d like to feel like I was 100% RIGHT about ANY thing again. Even, if it was just ONE thing like “yes, there is a God”. Sort of like wishing I still believed in Santa clause… or like when I was a teenager and thought that *I* would never do some of the things that the adult me has inevitably done.
But, no… I am doomed to a humble life of agnostic grey area, and not for nothing… but, I like it a lot better than the black and white.