“sex is the most awful, filthy thing on Earth, and you should save it for someone you love”

So, I was doing some much overdue blog surfing… and went to one of my favorite blogs – http://parentingbeyondbelief.com/blog/, and I happened to see a post called: “sex and the balls of the evangelical”, and the following quote at the top of the page really cracked me up.

“Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on Earth, and you should save it for someone you love.“  –Butch Hancock, country singer/songwriter

Now, I don’t really know Butch Hancock’s work – but, this quote alone was enough to make me want to run out and buy his CD.  LOL

The rest of the blog post there was also verrrry interesting…  talking about the latest trend with many Christians – „Purity Balls“.  I love Dale McGowan’s take on this…   so go there and read it:  http://parentingbeyondbelief.com/blog/?p=235 . 

However, it wasn’t so much the Purity Balls, but the general topic of sex and religious outlooks on it that really hit home with me today. 

It just so happens that today I am recovering from yesterday and the night before…  when I discovered that my 11 year old son had been going on to some not-so-kid-friendly websites recently.  To put it bluntly – I discovered that when I thought he was doing his homework on my computer – he was actually looking at naked women. 

The poor boy wasn’t smart enough to cover his tracks…  and didn’t realize that his dear old mom knows a thing or two about computers.  So, it was easy to see that he started off searching for things like, “women’s underwear”, and  “see through underwear“  and  “games with naked chicks in them”…  which worked it’s way up to “naked women“, and “big boobs“…. and unfortunately those led to some fairly hardcore websites. 

I       was       shocked. 

Mortified. 

I literally never thought in a million years that he was even thinking about girls yet!  Which, I realize is pretty stupid of me.  I was mad at myself for not putting that porn filter“ back on my PC.  I actually just got a new computer fairly recently and am still getting it set up – and hadn’t gotten around to the porn filtering software yet. 

So, here I was… kicking myself in the ass for not seeing this coming… and also mortified and shocked by what he had seen.  I was worried about him.  Ok.  I admit it, this was as close to panicky as I’ve felt in a long time.  

I called my husband and rambled on somewhat frantically.  How could he have done this?  How could I have been so stupid to think he wouldn’t do this?  What did he think about what he saw?  Was he going to be ruined for life now?!?  

My head was spinning. 

Our kids had already gone to bed… which was a good thing because I was half ready to freak out at him…  and I knew that, really, that was the last thing I wanted to do… or should do.  I needed to calm down. 

So, my husband and I talked… and he said, he would talk to our son the next day after school.  It was his day to get him off the bus, so that worked out well.  We agreed that we didn’t want to make this into an already bigger deal than it was… that we didn’t want to yell and scream or freak out on our son about this. 

We wanted to let him know it was natural to be curious…  find out how he felt… what he thought about things he saw… did he have questions?  At the same time I wanted to let him know that while sex is natural and not a bad thing…  still, what you see on websites is not really “natural”, or “real”, and that it was easy to wind up on websites that even grown ups shouldn’t be looking at… and that people can do and post really bad things on-line,  kids and people can get hurt… and that people can even go to jail.. blah blah blah.  All this, while still not freaking him out or making him feel like he is a terrible kid.  We agreed that we would use this as a chance try to open the doors for communication and see if he has any questions or what he wants to know…  but, also let him know he can’t do it again…  (especially since NOW I have the filtering software back up!).  

So, two nights ago, I spend a good portion of the night searching thru my computer and my husband’s laptop…  talking to my husband about it… and researching on-line just what the best way to handle this might be.  What is “normal“?  (as IF I don’t know there IS NO normal, by now).  I even wound up ordering a couple books on-line.  One to give my son that talks about puberty and changes…. and one for my husband and I that talked about talking to your kids about sex. 

I then went to work yesterday and worried most of the day about this.  I couldn’t help it.  All I could think was, “I am SO not ready for puberty with my son! When did my little baby grow up?“. 

I wondered how my husband would approach him?   If my son would deny it or not?   Would my husband be able to make the points we discussed?  I mean, my husband is a great guy, but he’s not really known for his communication skills.  Could he even bring up the things we discussed?  I was worried… but, I also knew this talk was better coming from him.  Besides, my husband has a great way of handling big issues really calmly and rationally…  (it’s the little things that send him over the deep end). 

So, I worked… and I worried myself sick all day yesterday.   

I called home around 4pm yesterday.. figuring by then they should have talked… and I had to know how it went before I headed home from work.  I wanted to know what I’d be coming home to.  My husband told me calmly and rationally how it went.  It went smooth.  No denial.  Some embarrassment.  No yelling.  Some discussion.  Rules were made.  Lines of communication were opened.  Computer privileges were taken away temporarily. 

This sounded a lot easier than I thought it was going to be.  It sounded like no big deal.  Was that a good thing??  It is, right?  I was torn.

I still felt nervous about coming home.  How would my son look me in the eye?  How would I look him in the eye?  How should I act? 

I walked thru the door, and my 11 year old son playfully tried to surprise me, like he always does.  “Boo!”, he shouted as he jumped out and ran past me.  I looked at him curiously.  He started telling me about his school project.  Nothing unusual.  He was all smiles.  Chattering on.  I saw no sign of guilt.  No shame.  I hid my confusion and listened on. 

After a while, I couldn’t take it…  I said quietly to him, “so, I heard your father had a long talk with you”.  He looked down and said, “yes”, a little embarrassed.  A little guilty.  But, no more so than when he got caught lying to me about something stupid.  I said, “OK.  Well, he told me what he said… and,  so I’m not going to lecture you or anything” (A look of relief on his face appears).  “Your father and I both know it’s natural to be curious – but, we need you to know that you can’t be going to those websites, right?”  (right).  “Ok – well – we can talk more later…  and if you have any questions you let Dad or me know, ok?“  - (OK). 

That was it.  ??  Two minutes later he was back to himself.   Talking.  Playing.  He certainly didn’t look scarred for life or anything.  I thought, at first, that maybe he was deliriouslyhappy… relieved that we didn’t kill him or anything. 

Then, I thought about how my parents, especially my mother, talked about sex to me when I was a kid.  Sex was evil.  Nasty.  Disgusting.  Something “bad“ kids and bad people did…  even talking about it or saying the word was bad.  Hell, even THINKING about it was BAD.  If I had been caught doing anything like my son was doing, I never would have heard the end of it.  I think I would have contemplated suicide if I knew they had seen the same naked pics I was looking at.  I would have felt so ashamed.  Of course, this mindset didn’t stop me from being curious or seeing things I shouldn’t have seen.  It just made me feel tremendously guilty about them for years…

No wonder I was so freaked out and worried about my son!   I was putting myself in his shoes – or putting him in MY old shoes.  ??   It didn’t occur to me until after seeing his reaction that, luckily for him, he is NOT in my old shoes.  No where’s CLOSE to those shoes.  So he has no reason to be panic stricken.  He has never had the evils of sin and lust pounded in his head.  He’s never been taught about the dark powers of the flesh, and how disgusting sex is… or how terrible and weak one must be to indulge…  Or had the kind of fear of hell and judgment instilled in him that I did. 

No.  He knew he did something he wasn’t suppose to do… and was looking at stuff he wasn’t suppose to be looking at.  That’s it.   No, he doesn’t know (and hopefully will never know) how terrible it is to have such much fear and guilt over something so natural.   If nothing else, I did something right when I threw out those old shoes of mine and didn’t put any other kids in them…

This taught me a bit about myself too.  Just how much I was affected (and still am) by the way I was brought up.  I mean, my reaction was like a knee-jerk one… and it took all my self control, common sense, rational, and my husband to keep it in check.  I still had to live through it to really feel that it was okay.  And, today was a whole new day and it doesn’t seem like so big of a deal at all.  This confirmed to me how I need to be careful not to carry  the unwanted, but so ingrained, feelings and reactions over to my own children.  

Oh yeah.. and it taught me that I need to install a porn blocker!

~smj

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Is Disney evil??

A friend of mine emailed me today regarding being worried that her brother in law has gone over the deep end with religion.  This is interesting, since this friend is a fairly new convert to Christianity herself.  Yet, even she see’s there’s something not right here…  She said that she came back from a visit with her family for the holidays.  And, that her brother in law is becoming more and more religious.  She said she couldn’t help to think about all the stories I had told her about growing up with my mom. 

One of the things she was upset about was that her young neice and nephew were not going to be allowed to play with most of the presents she and her parents had bought them.  She said they are probably all in the garbage by now.  Apparently, Disney is evil…. and they are not allowed to watch Disney movies or play with Disney items because they have witches and evil spells. ? She said they are afraid to watch anything, and my friend thought this was all a bit extreme.  She asked if my mother was the same way about stuff like that when I was a kid, etc. 

I wrote back:  

My first reaction when I read your note was a deep sigh and a sad feeling for the kids.  It’s a terrible thing to live with so much damn fear of everything all the time… and that’s what it is.  Fear.  Fear of hell.  Fear of anything “evil”.  Fear that you are not doing what God wants.  It’s ridiculous.   

So, she won’t let their kids watch Disney?  Come on.  Does she know the witches are PRETEND!!?!?.  It’s a freaking STORY people.  And, not for nothing, but do you know how many gory, violent, and sexually deviant stories there are in the bible??  You don’t hear about those ones as much.   I’m sorry.. I know it’s suppose to be “the good book”… but, there’s a lot in there that I don’t particularly want to have to go into detail with my kids anytime soon.  And talk about scary.  ??  What about all the sacrifices, demons and devils, HELL, daughters sleeping with fathers, babies being slaughtered, famine, plagues, wars.  Sheesh! 

But, unfortunately, I am not TOO surprised either.  Because, yes  – My mother was like that.  She saw evil in EVERYTHING. I’ve often joked about how we could be watching the old 50’s sitcom “Happy Days”, and she would walk in right when someone kissed or something – and she’d say “THAT’s DISGISTING!!”.   

I laugh now… but, it was rather nerve-wrecking when I was a kid.  It’s terrible to always be on the lookout for evil lurking around every corner… to feel like you’re always doing something “bad”, “wrong”, ”disgusting”, or “sinning”.  I always had one finger on the channel changer on the TV and on my radio in case my mother walked in.  

When you are really young – you believe everything your parents tell you… and you naturally want to please them.  What happens when you can’t?  I was afraid and worried a lot.  As I got older and more skeptical (thanks to my atheist father and common sense), even though I didn’t believe everything my mother did… I still was always worried about how she would interpret things, or what she would think about something (or me).  It forced me to still see everything as “evil” – knowing how SHE thought.  Talk about living on egg-shells.  For young children, this is abusive – if you ask me.  Intentional or not.   

Since you asked… if I were you – I would probably try to talk to my brother.  Ask what he thought.  How or why he was “okay” with the things that I thought were pretty “out there”.  Tell him how I felt and saw things… what worried me and why.  Take it from there. 

When it comes to something I think is really important – I tend to prefer to speak my mind with the hopes that it MIGHT help… and knowing I at least “tried”… even if there’s a bigger chance that it might just tick someone off.  But, that’s me….  and I have a big mouth.  Actually, that was how my Dad was… and my brother’s are to… so, it probably would make it easier for me to approach them.   

Although, I remember having it out with my one brother once –  years ago. They were on the verge of a divorce, and while I didn’t really want to get involved, I felt like I needed to try to help.  It was not easy even for me to talk to him that time because I knew he didn’t like what I had to say… and it didn’t go over well at the time… and we did get in a big fight.  I do think it actually helped in the long run and am glad I did it.  But, yeah… it doesn’t always help… and there probably were times I should have just kept my mouth shut.  Still… never stops me.   

Maybe I can call you later… 

 

I am almost afraid to call her.  I doubt highly she will actually try to reason with her brother, and doubt even more that even if she does that it will help.  I almost am afraid to talk to her on such matters, because I figure it’s a matter of time before her family or Christian friends tell her that she shouldn’t even BE talking to me since I’m not Christian and therfore can’t help her. 

UGH

I can’t help going back to my initial reaction to her words…”a deep sigh, and feeling sad for the kids”.

  ~smj

Response to “spare the rod” post at PBB….

What  sobering posts over on the “Parenting Beyond Belief” blog  – called “spare the rod (and spare me the rest)“, and “responses to “spare the rod”.  He talks about how many people, like James Dobson with Focus on the Family, use the bible to support spanking and different views on this.  As I recently mentioned, I can’t stand Dobson or FOF. I worry about messages being spread still today, and that good Christian people (like my friend who is a new mom) might buy into because they do like FOF and Dobson. 

My parents didn’t agree on much… but, they did both believe in spanking.  I have to say that my brothers got it worse than I did… but none of us ever got it that bad.  I wouldn’t say either my mother or father was “abusive” in their spanking methods, but I realize that’s a relative statement and matter of opinion. 

I do have vivid memories of my father threatening “the belt”, although, he never used it.  He DID spank with an open hand, though… not very often… but, enough that we believed we would “get it” if he threatened it. Usually, he only had to threaten it, and not do it, but we knew he WOULD if we didn’t listen.  My mother was more sporadic.  She’d whack ya with anything in her hand, usually a wooden spoon, if you weren’t listening. But, she must not have hit us very often or hard, because we were not as afraid of her.  She’d save the important spankings for my father to dish out.   They both believed that was part of his fatherly duties.  The old, “wait until your father gets home!” thing. 

One of the more common threats that my Dad use to say was “I’m going to rip your arm off and beat you over the head with the bloody end of it!”.  Ironically, this was NOT something scary, but rather something my brothers and I found humorous.  We knew he meant it sarcastically.  He had a bit of a warped sense of humor (as do I).  This saying did, however, use to scare our friends when they heard him say it.  But, my brothers and I would just laugh and say, “aww… he’s only kidding…. he always says that… and look – we still have 2 arms”.  No, we were more afraid of “the look”, or the threat of “you’re gonna get it!”. 

I do remember witnessing my brothers getting spanked… never with a belt… and never bare bottomed…  but always dramatic.  Often, if one of us got in trouble, we all did.  And, usually he started with my oldest brother.   I was usually hysterical just from watching my brothers get spanked while waiting for my turn…  and, probably because of that, and the facts that I was younger and a girl, my dad would barely swat me, if at all.  This is something my brothers still like to throw in my face about what a faker I was to get off of spankings LOL.  But, I really wasn’t faking.  It really was traumatic just to watch and wait.  

My oldest brother would always try to act tough, and to not cry…  and so, he’d get spanked the hardest I think…  until he DID cry.  Spanking is all about breaking that will and humiliation, isn’t it?  So, ironic… now that I think about it, being taught NOT to cry… and then punished harder for NOT crying.   ??  (I never really thought about that before now… but, wow… that’s pretty screwed up! ? ?)

My other brother, would go the dramatic route.  Running around screaming and yelling “no no no!”… until my father could wrestle him over or force him to come and get it.  Because he was already screaming and crying (moreso out of anger and frustration and for the pure drama effect, I think), he didn’t get spanked as hard.  Except for the time he put a book down his pants… and when my Dad hit that with his hand, he was really mad.

Then there was me.  Watching and waiting… trying not to cry, but failing miserably at times like this…  obediently going over when called without trying to run… and, I must have looked so pitiful, that my dad couldn’t/didn’t really spank me most of the time.  A couple times, he shut the door so my mom and brothers couldn’t see, and he whacked the bed or himself instead of me for sound effects… and told me to not tell (my mother) that he didn’t spank me. 

This leads me to believe that he didn’t always want to be “the enforcer”, but did feel like it was his job… and like he needed to do it to make my mom happy sometimes.  Which also leaves me feeling a bit bitter and resentful…

Looking back, I can not think of a time that I feel these spankings were really beneficial.  I have a hard time remembering what any of them were even for??  All of the memories that I DO have of important life lessons, or times I DO think I learned something good – had absolutely nothing to do with being spanked. 

I admit to having spanked my first child a couple times… which was more like a swat on a padded butt…  and nothing like the “proper spankings” described in the post at PBB. Each time I did, I immediately felt guilty and regretted it.  Each time I did, I was completely frustrated, upset, and/or scared when I did it.  Like, when my son was at the defiant 2 year old age and liked to  say “no” and run away as most 2 year olds do.  One day, though, he almost ran in to oncoming traffic as I called him and chased after him.  When I caught him, I was both relieved and upset, and it was almost a reflexive swat that I gave him. Part of me thought it was just the normal and right response.  Like it was something I ’should’ do, or ‘had’ to do… “for his own good” (ugg… I am wincing at that saying as a I type it).  Once I calmed down, a bigger part of me just felt it was wrong. 

I am glad that I felt that way, and that I did not continue to use spanking as a form of punishment.  I realized there were other ways….  better communication, and if necessary threats and punishments (time outs, no more TV or Computer, no treats, etc.) that I could follow thru on more easily, that were also more effective and obviously the better choice.

It’s funny, we do not spank our boys now (ages 5 and 10) and we do not go to church.  My boys are also probably more concerned with doing the “right” thing , and “being nice” than most of our friends kids that go to church every Sunday.   I’m not just bragging here, and I know I’m bias – but, I can’t think of ANY kids we know that have better behavior or attitudes than our boys.  Sure, our boys and aren’t perfect angels – but, I tell you what… they are genuinely GOOD kids.  You might not believe me, but, this is not just my opinion.  We constantly have have friends and family tell us how they are impressed by how well behaved our boys are. 

~smj

The Call

Saw mom yesterday at my brother’s. She seemed to be doing well… except she started in again about not knowing where she was going to live in a few months… and complaining how broke she is. I mentioned that my oldest brother said she could go there… and she scoffed at the idea. Too far from her church, she said. Well, then, I told her she better start looking into cheaper apartments.

She was fishing… hoping I’d give her the slightest hope of coming to live with me.  She was being downright blunt.  So, I was very careful not to move too fast or give even the slightest glimmer of a chance of this to her.   Sort of like being at an auction, and afraid to move and make a bid.  LOL

After going on and on about how broke she is, she then went on and on about her latest plans for ministries. She’s flying to Nashville for “The Call, Nashville, direct from Tennessee with Lou Engle”. Then, in a few weeks later, she is traveling to help out with some other missionary trip to help (and preach to) folks still rebuilding after hurricane Katrina.

Ok – the Katrina efforts at least sounds like a worthy cause and hopefully they do help some people, and not just preach at them.  I give her credit for wanting to help.  I struggle with believing that is her true reasons for going… but, okay… who cares… as long as it DOES help some people. 

But, this weekend prayer meeting, “The Call”?? Come on.   Now I know why she was talking about fasting before and all.  40 day fast she was doing.  40 days?? 

She is spending her savings faster that she can fill out withdrawal slips. She already sold her home and all her stuff. She is no longer collecting any compensation from her missionary group. She is paying her way for everything. I wouldn’t have a problem with this, if she wasn’t at the same time laying a sob story and a guilt trip on me about where is she going to live and how broke she is. 

But, what REALLY irritated me, is when she implied that I should take my 10 yr old son to this… because “how will I ever know if I don’t”.  ??  Huh?  How will I know what, I asked?  After some hemming and hawing, I realized she was referring to his hearing loss.  My 10 year old wears hearing aids… born with a mild hearing loss.  I was appauled at her suggestion. 

Yeah… that’s JUST what I want to subject my son to.  ?!?  A bunch of people laying hands on him and praying in tongues… trying to tell him to believe that God will heal his hearing.  He would be totally freaked out.  He’s never been exposed to such things (and I hope won’t be anytime soon!). 

 Plus, I told her that I have spent years telling him that his hearing loss is not that big of a deal… just one small part of him, but, something he has to deal with.  How we all have problems and things we have to deal with.  How he is lucky he can have hearing aids and that he is so smart and has everything else going for him.  And, he deals with it very well.  It doesn’t slow him down at all. 

And, now she wants me to get him thinking his hearing loss is something really bad that he should be praying to God to heal?   And, when God doesn’t “heal” him?  Then what?  He can feel like he doesn’t deserve it? 

I told her that he was fine… and God can worry about helping someone else who really needs it. 

 UGH! *sigh* Every once in a while, she reminds me of why I do not want her to watch my kids by herself.  I could totally see her dragging him off to something like that behind my back… 

Then, I get this email from her tonight:

—–Original Message—–
From: (MY MOM)
Sent: Thursday, July 05, 2007 12:34 AM
To: (Everyone and their mother)
Subject: Fw: Another way to be a part of The CALL

Dear friends and family,
Pass it on! I’ll be in Nashville. Maybe see me on TV !

—– Original Message —–
Subject: Another way to be a part of The CALL

In case, you want to participate, or know someone who does, but can’t make it to TN or another planned event… This is another way to join in…

Then, on 7-7-07, GOD TV will broadcast the 12 hour prayer marathon event, TheCall, Nashville, direct from Tennessee with Lou Engle.

GOD TV has previously aired TheCall from London and San Francisco, where tens of thousands of Christians have united to see change come to their nation. Now more than 100,000 will be gathering to pray for moral revival in the USA and GOD TV will be bringing this full 12-hour broadcast LIVE into homes across the USA.

Lou Engle is the visionary and co-founder of The Call solemn assemblies, a movement of prayer gathering young adults to pray and fast for breakthrough and revival. The Call began in Washington, DC in 2000 gathering over 400,000 people to pray and fast for the United States. Since 2000, The Call has gathered hundreds of thousands people to pray both national and internationally. Now, after a few years of dormancy, The Call has been revived beginning in Nashville, and GOD TV will be there to carry it LIVE. Link is below…

http://www.god.tv/

Ok, I’m officially annoyed… 
…. and tired…..

Good night.
~smj

No more sleigh bells for my son…

Whelp…. my son is on to us (my husband and I). We will never be able to make him jump into bed again with threats of hearing sleigh bells on Christmas Eve…

I was reading my new “Parenting Beyond Belief” book… laying on the loveseat this morning with a cup of coffee, while my 2 sons were across the room watching cartoons. Or so, I thought!

I happened to be on the chapter about Holidays and Celebrations. There was a part called “To Easter Bunny or Not to Easter Bunny” (which was by, and can be found on “Agnostic Mom’s Blog” here)… and, as I’m peacefully reading, I suddenly hear my 10 year old say – “What’s that you’re reading about the Easter Bunny? HmmmmmMMMMMmmm??”. He was smiling and looked like the cat who ate the canary…

He caught me off-guard. Mostly because I thought he already was well aware that there wasn’t an Easter Bunny… he’s 10!

But it quickly dawned on me that he never really flat out asked or announced his disbelief. I just assumed he was going along for the sake of his little brother still. I smiled at him… and he smiled back. He looked like he was proud of himself – not upset. He started chanting, “There is no Easter Bunny! There is no Easter bunny!”.

I sort of shot a glance to him and eyeballed towards his little brother (who just turned 5), and told him to “ssssh”. Then, I called him into the other room so we could talk privately.

Me: “First of all… the book I’m reading was talking about all different holidays and celebrations and beliefs and religions… and how some people believe one thing… and others believe something else.”

DS1: “OoooooOOOOOOoooh. ….       But, IS there an Easter Bunny???? hmmmm???” (smiling)

Me: “what do you think?”
(I thought – wow… what good timing that I was JUST reading about this and different approaches to handle it! Of course, if I HADN’T been reading it, this wouldn’t be happening, because he wouldn’t have seen it! LOL)

DS1: “Nooooooo. I don’t think the Easter bunny is real” (laughing)

Me: “Well then, it sounds like you already knew then. And, yes… you are right. You didn’t really still think there was a bunny bringing you eggs and candy anymore did you?”

DS1: “Noooo. (more laughing). So what about Santa? Is HE real??”

Me: again, “Well? What do you think?”

DS1: “No. There’s no way he could go all the way around the world in one night! (more laughing)

Me: “Well then…. Again… it sounds like you already knew. So you aren’t surprised if I tell you that you are right again, right?”

DS1: “Ah HAA! I KNEW it!!!” (big grin)

Me – surprised: ”So you still thought maybe there were?”

DS1: “Well.. I KNEW the Easter Bunny wasn’t real for sure… and I was 99% sure about Santa but wanted to make sure just in case”

Me: “Well… you know… the SPIRIT of Christmas and Santa is real – about giving to others and all”

DS1: “oh yeah…. Sure… but, there’s not a guy who flys around.  The presents come from you and Dad.”

Me: “right. But it was fun to pretend and believe in magic for a while, wasn’t it?

DS1: “yes”

Me: “so, do you think you can not tell your little brother just yet and we’ll wait til he asks? I think he likes to pretend too”

DS1: “I already tried to tell him last year that Santa wasn’t real – but he got mad and hit me”. (laughing)

Me: laughing back… “See? He doesn’t want to know yet. Let’s wait. He’ll know soon enough”.

DS1: “Okay”

I pause… studying his face briefly. He doesn’t LOOK upset. Still.. I can’t help but worry. It’s my job as a mother – to worry. I find myself wondering if he’s going to be damaged for life now and gingerly ask,

“So… what do you think about all this now that you know for sure?”

DS1 paused… and, blurted out, ”I can’t believe when I’m a grown up I’m going to have to spend all that money on my kids!!”…

We both laughed hard… and I gave him a big hug…. I told him he didn’t HAVE to spend anything… you give because you want to… and that he didn’t HAVE to have kids… (to which he said “YAY!” … but, I continued.. “But, you know… your father and I love you and your brother very much… and you are worth every penny.”….

=)

All in all… I think it went very well… I see no visible scars.

I know there’s a lot of controversy on this.  My Christian friends struggle with it too.  I always thought, my being NOT religious, made it easier to pretent because I wasn’t worried about sending the wrong message of the holidays not being religious enough. 

I seriously don’t remember being upset myself when I figured it all out.  I don’t even remember when I actually DID figure it all out.  I think I was like him, where I knew for a long time… but, went along for a while anyway.. just to make sure.. and because it was fun. When my next son wants to know the truth… we will tell him… but for now… I don’t think it is hurting him at all to have a little magic in his life.

 Of course, I could be wrong.  Someday – they might hate me for it…  and I’ll loose my mother of the year award – again.

~ smj